D's vs R's

Odd things that only happen in America.

D's vs R's

Postby andysbeef » Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:29 am

Truth in jest!

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride.

"Wow...what a worthy goal." I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
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Re: D's vs R's

Postby andysbeef » Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:07 am

Translations of Common Euphemisms:
DEMOCRAT...............................REPUBLICAN
Arsenal of Weapons.....................Gun Collection
Delicate Wetlands.......................Swamp
Undocumented Worker.................Illegal Alien
Cruelty-Free Materials..................Synthetic Fiber
Assault and Battery.....................Attitude Adjustment
Heavily Armed..........................Well-protected
Narrow-minded.........................Righteous
Taxes or Your Fair Share..............Coerced Theft
Commonsense Gun Control............Gun Confiscation Plot
Illegal Hazardous Explosives..........Fireworks or Stump Removal
Non-viable Tissue Mass...............Unborn Baby
Equal Access to Opportunity..........Socialism
Multicultural Community..............High Crime Area
Fairness or Social Progress...........Marxism
Upper Class or "The Rich "............Self-Employed
Progressive, Change..................Big Government Scheme
Homeless or Disadvantaged..........Bums or Welfare Leeches
Sniper Rifle.............................Scoped Deer Rifle
Investment For the Future............Higher Taxes
Healthcare Reform.....................Socialized Medicine
Extremist, Judgmental, or Hater.....Conservative
Truants..................................Homeschoolers
Victim or Oppressed...................Criminal or Lazy Good-For-Nothing
High Capacity Magazine..............Standard Capacity Magazine
Religious Zealot........................Church-going
Reintroduced Wolves..................Sheep and Elk Killers
Fair Trade Coffee......................Overpriced Yuppie Coffee
Exploiters or "The Rich "..............Employed or Land Owner
The Gun Lobby.........................NRA Members
Assault Weapon........................Semi-Auto (Grandpa's M1 Carbine)
Fiscal Stimulus.........................New Taxes and Higher Taxes
Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting......Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs
Accepted Facts.........................Horse SHIT
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